Looking Back Moving Forward
Looking back is such an interesting thing.
And I find it even more interesting that our social media obsessed culture (ironic that I’m blogging about this) seems to be particularly exuberant about looking back these days. Whether it be the throwback Thursday, flashback Friday, TimeHope, etc.
Have you noticed, or maybe its just me, that we only seem look back at the positive things, and share those memories again?
I think that reinforcing positive memories is a good idea, I think that it helps us to find more joy in life, and I think that under most circumstances we would agree that it is psychologically healthy.
But, can I be honest with you?
I recently have been going through a bunch of old boxes; boxes that contain tons of memories, and also journals spanning many years – reading through them, was interesting to say the least. Sometimes when I wrote about feeling insignificant, it made me feel insignificant again; when I wrote about happiness, I felt happy; and at times when I wrote about heartbreak, I felt my heart break again.
However, more than anything else, the emotion that I felt was discomfort. I saw so much of who I used to be and what I didn’t like about that. Rather than my first reaction being to celebrate growth in my life, I found myself shocked by the realization of where I used to be.
Maybe because in that I could see how some of those old thought patterns existed today. How if I were to open up my journal right now, I would probably find some of the same ideas, just stated with a few more years of life experience and schooling.
So now I’m thinking about how I am grateful to recognize these things, I have become more aware of who I am. I don’t know whether or not I would have made these recognitions had I not gone through these old journals. But as far as the negative things, I am letting them go. There is no reason something that once made feel insignificant should be kept around to make me feel insignificant again.
I am proud of who I am today, and how much I’ve grown, and I’m not going to dwell on the past in a way that brings me down. There’s a time for processing, for remembering, and for reminiscing, but there is also a time to say:
“My eyes are open, my heart is beating, my lungs are full, and my body’s breathing;
I’m moving forward, I’ve found my freedom, I found a life that gave me reason to live.”